Altar of shame

I stood still, and for a while,
time flies ever so slowly, waiting,
giving me room to breathe, to inhale,
the fresh new beginning, and to exhale,
the torment of yesteryear, a time not too long ago,

I picked up the pieces, buried in the sand of time,
placing them one by one, on the altar of shame,
so cold and bitter, it fills the air with animated taunts,
I gave up on us, we were never really together,
the love is dead, the heart charred beyond recognition,

I'll leave my room, open till sunrise,
for you, and if we ever crossed path,
turn your back and walk away,
I don't want you to see me, faltering,
I'm so lost, without you,

You are the ghost, my only venom,
never alone, but at times, lonely,
Are you afraid of being alone?
haunt my dreams, I am not waking up,
I cry for the times I thought I had you

snail mail

Setelah hampir give up menunggu, akhirnya Jumaat yang lalu surat yang aku tunggu selama ini pun tiba... nope not the LHDN letter containing some cheques... wont get that until i review my tax declaration (which is going to take a while because i cant find my receipts and most probably will have to forfeit my claims)... it is a letter with the title " VP notice"... freedom awaits me... not that far away now... I can almost taste it.. :)

Took a day off yesterday to settle some issues with the bank and made appointment to pick up the keys from the developer... man, i cant wait to move and live on my own... the sheer boredomness of living on your own with no one to talk to... am looking forward to that very much... managed to get the appointment before the fasting month started...  hopefully takde defect la even though from the forum, most of the residents cakap banyak defect... hopefully i'm the lucky few lah... i want to move in as soon as i can... and provided there's internet connection and Astro i'm all set for a new chapter in my life as a loser... and please let there be no ghost... i hate ghost ... huhu

Next Monday is the DR drill so wish me luck... i'm going to need it :)

Yang kian mati

Ku pejamkan mata hati
dari sepi dan sinaran sang mentari
agar kau dapat mengerti
yang dunia ini tiada simpati
buat mereka yang sering lari
dari terus menempuhi hari
yang penuh dengan onak dan duri

Tiada untung dan juga rugi
asal usaha sepenuh hati
biarlah perit tetap ku gagahi
membakar semangat yang kian mati

Hidup ini hanya sekali
peluang datang dan juga pergi
jangan kau sesekali menghindari
apa yang datang dengan sendiri
jangan sekali kau sesalkan apa yang di ambil kembali
tiada yang selamanya kecuali mati

nightmares of you

OK, most of the people I know, knows I suffer from this... telephonophobia... so I decided to read about on the net to see if I am actually suffer from it... and guess what... I am suffering from it... it is a part of social anxiety to which I also suffered from... and I thought I was born a healthy baby... who would have guess that a great technology like the telephone could give him/her nightmares...

I used to hate answering the phone when I was younger...but now I can at least answer my own phone... (I'm the last person in my circle of friends to adopt the mobile phone... and that was because I need to have a phone so I can apply for jobs)... but I'm still very hesitant to answer my office phone... every single time it rings it gives me a knot in my stomach... and the knot get even worst when I have to make a call... business or personal... I'd picked up a call any day over making a call to strangers... sometime even calling a friend is hard... to me calling is even harder than receiving a call... at work ,I usually will assign someone else to do the calling... give me the harder technical stuff to work on than making a phone call...

Suffering from social anxiety (and telephonophobia) is crippling and it prevent you from living your life to the fullest... it explain a lot of things in my life... why I rather stay at home than going to party full of strangers... why my home phone is never plugged in (it is always plugged in to the modem so I can hooked up the the internet where I feel most comfortable)... why went I did ask a girl that I like for her phone number but I will never call her at least until we have chatted enough in real life or on the internet to make me comfortable to call her... I'm a weirdo and a loser... and that's explain the lack of romance in my life... but then again, blaming it all on a disorder is as lame of an excuse as it can get... but hell I'm already lame... what different does that makes...

Now I wonder, what other disorder that I might suffer from... I know I'm acrophobic (that why I don't fancy working in a high rise building), claustrophobic (I avoid lift/elevator if I can)... hmm what else... not too sure if I'm hydrophobic... I mean I hate deep water because I cant swim and sharks... I'm not afraid of water itself... not xenophobic that's for sure... I can talk to strangers (guys mostly... girls they scare the hell out of me)... I just hate making calls to strangers... face to face... no problem at all... I'm maybe batrachophobic/bufonophobic because I sooo hate frogs and most of amphibians... I do not hate being alone... though you do need company else you'll go insane... I may not be able to fly... but I like flying... just as long as I don't look down... I'm okay

So anyway, this is supposed to be just about my telephonophobia and my social anxiety as well as my panic attack but comes to think of it... man do I suffers from a lot of disorder... I'm a loser with lots of baggage... no wonder I'm alone... hahahaha

have a great week ahead people...

lost in the middle

So, the last of the Asian team in the World Cup has been eliminated... even if I personally think they did played well, created the best chance without having much possession of the ball... and that is saying a lot... in football, it's not how much time you had on the ball that counts... its what you do with it (probably relevant to life as well)... They lacked a natural finisher who would instinctively get into good position to score, drift out-wide to create opportunity for others and hold the ball long enough for the midfield to join in the attack...

Defensively, they are great, which proved once again... size does not matter in football... Paraguay find it hard to break them and on occasion when they did break the defend, the goalkeeper is well position and the quality of the finishing of the Paraguayan forwards was nothing better than the Japanese... although they do have a much better forward-line compared to the Japanese...

In midfield is where Paraguay edged the Japanese... not because of they were better in term of quality but because they hold much of the ball during the match... meaning the Japanese midfield were often left with much chasing to do... Even by playing with a single striker and filling up their midfield, the Japanese midfield were overrun by the Paraguayans...


To go out to a penalty shootout is no shame... penalty kicks are a gamble... sometime you get it sometime you miss... Asian in general do not makes good striker... or at least I have seen none... hopefully things will change for the better... for what we lacks in skills we make up in determination... just ask the Koreans... :)