Misteri alat kawalan jauh

Sering bersembunyi apabila kau dicari
dicelah kerusi dan dibelakang TV
Di bawah meja atau hilang entah kemana
lalu bercelaru, penat menggaru dagu
sepi meningkat pekat
ketiadaanmu sinonim dengan kehilangan sebuah hiburan
kau berkadar terus dengan kegembiraan sementara ku

lalu menjerit dan memekik
memanggil dan mencari
kumat kamit ku hambur nista
pada kealpaan diri sendiri
persis si gila yang meracau
ruang tamu ku di langgar garuda
namun kau tetap tiada disisi

** khas buat remote control yang selalu bikin jiwa tak tenteram....

kelabu

dan aku kelabu

tidak putih mahupun hitam

hanya gabungan 2 warna 

yang tidak membawa erti apa

tidak suci seperti putih

dan tidak kotor seperti hitam

kelabu itu seakan hambar

tanpa kilauan yang memukau

sering dibiar tanpa dihirau

terbuang tidak di endah

tidak seperti warna primer

dipuja dan disanjung pencinta

mewarnakan liku kehidupan

menjadi tanda megah

lukisan zaman berzaman

dan aku hanya kelabu yang sekunder

hasil pencabulan hitam kepada putih

penyatuan yang tiada restu

kerana putih dan hitam itu

bukan ditakdir untuk bersatu

kewujudan aku

hanya kejadian rawak tanpa sengaja

tiada yang semulajadi tentang diriku

yang cuma sekunder

hanya layak menjadi watak latar

di dalam cerita indah dunia primer

kosong dan sendiri

dibelakang sepi

yang bukan kepalang

hilang dan meresap pada belaian

angin silam yang membawa cerita 

aku yang kelabu

 

inconvenience of some sort...

aku terperangkap
pada rasa yang datang menghinggap
Seperti dijerat
nafas ini disekat
di rongga leher yang tersepit
kelemasan yang menghimpit
mengalir rasa yang pahit
kau hilang di saat mentari melebarkan sayapnya
membuang segala peristiwa kita
hanya kegelapan itu yang tahu akan kenapa
kau dan aku tiada selamanya

berserah pada masa
percaya akan ketentuanNya
bukan tempat aku untuk terus meminta
sedangkan engkau tiada empati
janji dulu kini tiada berguna lagi
harapan itu hanya impian yang tidak pasti
bila sang purnama itu kembali
pada dada langit yang diselubungi gelap mimpi
tika itu akan bangun lah aku
dari abu, dan lalu dibakar api semangat baru (che wah cam burung phoenix plak dah)

yang pergi pasti akan pulang
gagal itu bukan lestari
seketika dulu aku pernah leka
pada usia yang baru mencecah kenakalan
dan kini dari tingkap pecah ini
ku lihat akan segala laku dulu
mencongak kesilapan dan menghitung sesalan
mengimbau kenangan di layar perak hidupku
dan lalu ku bertanya pada angin
perkhabaran dari utara
ingatkah dia pada ceritera lama
tentang kita dan tentang mereka
sebagai momento sebuah kisah
disulam duka dan lara

*and like this broken windows pane, I am an inconvenience

This was titled differently earlier

I remember watching an episode of How I met Your Mother where it revolves around keeping someone on the hook... you know that girl/boy who clearly likes you but you don't really see them more than just someone to comfort you when the going gets tough... in fact you don't really see their heartfelt pleas and effort to win you over... you choose to ignore it but you kept them close just in case you need that boost, that shoulder to cry on or that someone to cheer you up... and those who are on the hook would gladly accept that role even if it hurts... I know this because I am on a hook... I know I should not let myself be used... but the heart want what the heart want... and depending on how you choose to see it... the heart is either the strongest muscle or the weakest muscle in your body... and usually it doesn't matter how you see it... once you are in this kind of situation... the will of the heart overpowered the logic of the brain and we, wittingly or not, got caught onto the hook and forever tied to pain it brings... OK well, forever is a strong word... I believe that each person are strong enough to break free eventually... the thing about being kept on the hook is... once the realization sets in or the pain become unbearable... you'll let go of the thing that hold you down... "I think you blind to the fact that the hand you hold is the hand that holds you down"... well I admit it... its not that I don't see the situation I am in right now... but I rather get burn than feel nothing...

I don't know why I linger... well, I do know actually... it just, I can't find the courage to let go... who knows I might just stand a chance... I slim hope, I know (given the odd and the fact that girl repulse me with the fire of a thousand suns, for reasons I can't figure out)... but it is worth it... she is worth it... the situation is not helping... nor does the time... I wish I can wait forever... but forever is a long time... sooner or later, I am going to reach my limit... maybe then I'll be free of this hook... maybe then I could start seeing the wonderful colors of the world again... but until then... let me be on this hook, regardless of how slim the chance maybe... because I just can't find anything better to do... "I'm maybe dumb but I'm not a dweeb"... there are every reason to leave but just 1 reason to stay... I see the positives in the negatives... or maybe I'm just retarded... either way... this pain of being kept on the hook is rather interesting... there are days when it soothe the soul and there are more days when it hurts like a ..... (add your own words here... I can't think of any at the moment)....

“It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness..." chuck palahniuk

Good nite lovely people... have a nice ride on the hook roller coaster... wounds and scars remind us of where we have been... people who have no wounds or scar don't live at all... they are just tagging along for the ride... 

Another awesome quotes I found on the net

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”

Human body are designed to protect themselves from harm... physically or mentally... like computers... the access to bad memories are withheld until we are strong enough to face them back again... 

Actually I found that another way to get over your fascination is to have another fascination... hahahaha... overcome your inability to free yourself from the hook by getting attached to another hook... but in the long run.. this did more bad than good... pain is something we need to deal with.. it takes time; so give it time... though some wound never truly heal... at least it'll be less painful if given the right amount of time to recover...

Well, that's it for my random rambling for tonight... again, good night lovely people... may tomorrow brings mermaids to your seaside dreams :)

Au revoir

that good bye
simple yet powerful
drowned me
underneath a wave of farewell
that stare of unspoken words
that marked the parting of our ways
no longer together
not even for a breather
so long
so long
my precious, we don't belong
nothing hurts like this sad love song
Writing rhyme that feels so strong
but yet seems so wrong
though it felt so right
in the middle of the night
you can call it a fright
because losing you
will never ever be right

*Reproduce from echo far beyond the yonder