I never thought that a strayed words to a friend was going to get blown out of proportion and come back to bite me in the backside. I should have kept it a secret and not told anyone at all. It was my fault that it got to be this way. Now we can't even be friends anymore. It is too awkward and embarrassing for me. I should have learn my lesson long ago... when it came down to the matter of the heart... it is never a good idea to make it public... making her uncomfortable and embarrassed was not my idea of making an impression... and for that, I am really really sorry. It was never my intention... but I should have known this would happened... my only excuse is... the heart can be very stubborn sometimes... a weak excuse and I know that... if this piece of confession ever reaches her shores... please know that I am very very sorry for how things turn out to be... I never planned this... if it is any consolation... I do wish you the very best with your new relationship... I know from the start that I didn't have a chance... I told that to my heart everyday... it just wont listen to me....
For what it worth,... she is worthy of all the pain I felt inside... she really does... the only regret I have is I wished things didn't turn out the way it has... "aku malu" ... I cant changed the past... if I could I would have leave the company and find another job.. but I can't... I hope this will end well. I cant bear to be the reason she is uncomfortable and embarrassed...
I hope that I learn from this.... there have been too many mistake on my part... a fact that I cant just ignore... especially when this also affect another party... this has got to stop. So for friends who works with me... stop all this teasing and gossips... she can't take it anymore... and I don't want her to feel that way...
I sense that my time here is running out... we cant be at the same place anymore... if an opportunity presented itself to me... and it is favorable... I will leave this place... It would definitely makes things better... even if i love this place... something has got to give....
Again... I am very sorry about this... events and things that happened is beyond my control... I should have handle it better when it was very early but i didn't.... the mistake was all mine.
I'm sorry for screwing up.
Now i am paying the price for not denying it...
