November 8, 2009

the tale of being this close to the big three zero

So by tomorrow I will be 29... it will be another 1 year before that big 30 comes and take me to a whole new place... not really something I look forward to... I don't know what it is.. but 30 kinda scare the hell out of me...

A friend of mine once said that.. in life there are 3 stages... it started once you completed your education.. the first 10 years will be your "looking/searching" stage... it is where you look for what you wanted to do in life and how to get it... the second one will be the "do it" stage.. this is where you strife your best to get what you wanted in life and give it all you got to achieve it... the last one is the "enjoy your fruit of labour" stage... as the name suggested... this is when after all that have been said and done... you can relax and reaped the benefit of the work and effort you have put into your life...

My friend divide the stages into 10 years each... and he started at 20 when you are young and most of the time don't know what you really wanted in life... (how true...) So by using his method, this year is my last year to actually seek what I really wanted in life...

I guess I am still a blur when it comes to what I really wanted to do in life... all I know is... now at 28, I just cannot see myself working in an office environment anymore... this is not how I imagined my life would be... (at 17, I always thought that I will be working in some kind of engineering projects... but I guess being a student in a technical school push that image through my mind)...

When I was a kid back in my hometown and living the simple life... I always wanted to be a pilot... a space craft pilot to be exact (like I said to some people whom I have known for some time now... I am a sucker for everything outer space)... but that was a tad bit ridiculous... I know... kids have the widest range of imagination... so I scale it down a little once I'm a old enough to know how ridiculous my dreams are... so fighter pilot was my aim... back then MiG-29 was still in its prime... F-18 hornet is not far behind too... I would spent my day... day dreaming about flying across the open sky... doing some "out -of-this-world" maneuver... man, I would have died a happy man if that dream becomes a reality... too bad, when I reached 17... I had to wear glasses and that dream died with that...

Then I started to learn how to play football... and naturally that becomes my dream.. to play football for Liverpool... to grace the grass at Anfield, to score a winning goal for my favorite team and also to stand in front of the Kop End to hear the fans chanting my name... but since iIgot no skill whatsoever... that dream died after I last wore my school jersey (on which I found my favorite number... 11)... 4th place isn't that bad... but I only played 2 games (both being a 1 - 1 draw)

When I was 10 years old, I wanted to be a scientist, just like the great Einstein or Newton... but that dream was induced by a friend of mine who back then seems like "the man"... he knows everything about the scientific world that I just can't help but marvel at his knowledge... but then by 11, I had move to KL and that dream died with it...

Oddly enough, I had no dreams whatsoever when I first came to KL... a big city, with lights all along the town streets... mesmerized as I was (were?? my grammar is almost none existence).. no dreams comes out of it... such metropolitan city would have triggered my imagination wild... but I guess loosing my grandfather has put a dent on my imagination... but then again.. the growing up part also might play a role there...

So when I was 16, I went to a boarding school of some sort, trying to see if I can actually be away from my mother... it was hard at first.. being a mommy's boy doesn't help at all... but I managed to finally accept the new environment... heck, I had the best 2 years of my life there... and it is here where I first imagine myself in an office environment... kinda had too... everyone is now at an age where they feels the need that ambitions needs to be realistic... and being a pilot at that time was never a realistic target... so does professional footballer...

So after completing high school and goes through the hardship of trying to get into a university... here I am.. stuck in the rat race... in which there is no getting out of...

I wonder if I had chosen a different path... like instead of getting into this computer stuff, and go ahead with my initial engineer path..?? would I be better off? I guess no one knows...

Being this close to the big three zero might not be that uncomfortable if you already knows what you wanted out of this life... as for me,.. the search will go on and to know that the dateline is so freaking near is not very ideal... even though I might denied it... the pressure is getting to me... and it is making me nervous...

Life is a journey... and it is a journey to the end...

4 comments:

temp2escape said...

but 30 kinda scare the hell out of me...

- me to my friend. me to...

Dottie With Dots said...

age is just a number

Sir Pök Déng said...

"Life is a journey." - Paul Coelho

I used to be so ambitious to be a doctor. A medical doctor. Now I know I can't predict my future. So I blog. Just like you.

Pill Pusher said...

Second time I say this today,
AGe is just a number. Ageing.. well it's entirely wicked thing. 30 is nothing, wait till you get to 50 :D