Enough!

For what it worth... my misadventure this past couple of month have been a revelations... I hope that I have take something out of it and may it be useful in the future... as I am notorious for making the same mistake again... 

I had a thrilling ride, I think it has reached the end (and I could be wrong again.. wouldn't be the first time)... there were ups and there were downs... I have enough of the emotional roller coaster that I am ready to take a break.. I was trying too hard, giving too much and received nothing in the end... it was worth it while it lasted but I have to end it here... and not because I am giving up (I am notorious for that as well)... it is just seems not worth the chase anymore... everyone has a limit... I have reached mine... I mean how long can you chase after something that seems to be running further in the opposite direction... and how long could you pretend that it doesn't hurt and keep on trying to bounce back without letting the melancholy of it takes over you first... you have to be over the previous chase to get back into another one...

A by-product of being on the losing end (again) is... that it make me realize that what I do for a living right now... it not what I actually wanted to do... I'm so sick of computers that I would accept a job in the industry that I love for less money.. but I do have commitments... and it is holding me back from leaving the IT industry... I hope at least in one years time I could be able to to at least settle a few of those commitment so that I could leave the IT world and start doing what I love... what is art... and that is not saying I'm any good at it... it is just something I love... I don't necessarily have to do the artsy stuff.. I could just managed it... at least it is still in the field that I loved... and it doesn't have to be only painting or sculpture... art is a lot of things... and unlike the IT industry... with art, the sky is the limit... InsyaAllah...

I can't believe how hard it is to find love in a city of 1.6 million people... hahaha...