Flabbergasted~!

So now i know that it is true, but what does it means to me... am i now free of all emotions that i previously had felt? am i now better off ? will this set me on my way and eventually move on to a bigger and better things? i doubt it.. as i have always been... No one, no matter how tough and emotionally strong you think you are,could just turn off how they feel... it is almost impossible... but i know now what is the story behind of it all (not the whole story but enough lah for me to know where i stood... and it is obviously much further than where i want to be standing)... and maybe now i could make myself understand.. and be on my way out of this rut. It left a bittersweet taste on the mouth... and a pinch of salt on the already wounded heart.. hahahahaha.. it is better to know than to just speculate...

I could have just ask.. but i don't think it will be reveal... finding it out this way does not make it any easier either... stuck in the middle is not where i wanted to be... but things happened... some are pretty obvious some are discreet... melancholy is the word of the day i guess.... unwanted and alone just tops it all... i guess i could if i wanted it bad enough.. to break free i mean... but the heart just wont let it go... maybe now that the truth is reveal.. it could finally let it go...

should i be happy.. or should i go back and drown myself in self pity and misery?... do i failed to see the blessing in disguise in all of this? is there a silver lining hidden in this awful mess i called my life... maybe there is... someone told me... there is always a silver lining... it is a matter of perspective... maybe he is right.. i need to stop being me.. and try to be someone better... ahh wishful thinking.. i will always be me... other people might hate me... but i love being me... not al the time obviously but for the most part of my life.. i am the best that i can be (if only i understand what this mean)....

The irony is... this all happened as predicted... then why does it hurt so bad?... surely you cant be disappointed about something you already know beforehand... well admitting it is one thing.. accepting it is another... surely acceptance is much more harder to do than admitting... "all i see is grey... does the world suddenly turn monochrome"... being kicked in the ball sure doesn't hurt as much as this... I'd take a bullet through the heart any day than this... hahaha ok ok.. am being over dramatic lah pulak.... if i were to list a top 5 or top 10 moments of my sorry excuse for a life... this will make the top 3...

is it fruitless for me to hold on that slice of hope...? keep it in that wall of shame in the corner of my heart... who knows what will happen in the future... it know it is like hoping for a miracle... but hoping doesn't hurt 1 bit right?...

"the person i keep fooling the most .. is me~! "

Download day

Please download Mozilla Firefox 3 and help Mozilla to set a new Guinness world record for the most downloaded software in 24 hours... I've done my part... been a user of Mozilla since my college days... although back then it was Mozilla browser rather than Firefox browser.... and no... OPERA is still my number 1 browser of choice... but like most great things in life... OPERA is not fully utilized by web developer causing some website to appear crooked when opening it using OPERA... not their fault though... the new OPERA 9.5 is great.. well interface-wise.. the new black colored navigation bar is nice... it give the OPERA a mean look rather than the usual white/Grey navigation bar. I don't really like to toy around the widget/add-ons so i just use the default setting.. I'm sure there are a better review of OPERA 9.5

I have not yet installed the Mozilla Firefox 3.. will definitely do it later today.... what i like most about Firefox is the add ons...it lets you customize your browser with little apps that makes internet surfing much more pleasurable... while i may not like to experiment with OPERA, with Firefox i do it all the time... My favorite add-ons would be the DOWNTHEMALL download manager, fasterfox for faster loading time, McAfee Site Advisor (you'll need to google the add-on though 'cause i don't think you'll find it on Firefox home) for security... there are plenty more add-ons and theme for Firefox... go wild dudes and dudettes....

ok enough about browsers...
I'm such a forgetful person.... i forgot my password for domain login and encryption... was mad out of my head yesterday.. it is not that i forgot the phrase that i use.. i just forgot the combination that i use to spelled the phrase... haru biru la jadi nyer... luckily after about 3 dozen of trial i managed to login... so much for a very secure password... it is too secure that even i cant remember it... *note to self --> must write it down*...

" isnt it messed up, how i'm just dying to be here " sugar, we're going down (fall out boy)

I got no distance left to run~!

Hopefully.. i will manage to get out of this... unscathed... may there be something in the future to heal this.. hahahaha.. ok that is all i'm going to write about that... it's getting boring and i know people hate whiners...

So anyway, last Monday i went to this training for positive attitude... it was very interesting... i mean.. i really do need to change my attitude... being negative and pessimist is such a turn off... well at least that is what i have been told... and i think i need a change...

so that it for now... i got some tedious work to do...
later 'gator

"I want tobe, under the sea" octopus garden, the Beatles.