Open heart surgery (To prevent time from advancing with you)

Open heart surgery (To prevent time from advancing with you)

My anguish turned out to be just another chapter
In another story that end with the same ending
Leveraging that sinking feeling with a hope that springs eternal
Forgone was the conclusion for a hopeless romantic,
So clear but yet so clouded

Tempting fate in an odd that favor the cheaters
Where lies and deceit paid off handsomely in the end
Leaving pure heart shattered to smithereens
So succinct, it will last long after the time has past
The truth really does bites

For all of time, divine intention is taken for granted
Blinded by the act of a hunter on prowl, unleashing a blinding aura of deception
So poignant, one by one they fall prey to the trap for eternity
While I watched in horror as my utopia slowly turn into an abyss
Eternally burnt by the fallout of matters of the heart

Time after time, even as the hunter moved on,
I cannot prevent you from moving on with him,
Forever tied to his fate, burning heart one after another
Blazing trail that echo through the passage of time
I can't be bothered anymore
For I am ashamed of the beating of my heart

Altar of shame

I stood still, and for a while,

time flies ever so slowly, waiting,

giving me room to breathe, to inhale,

the fresh new beginning, and to exhale,

the torment of yesteryear, a time not too long ago,

I picked up the pieces, buried in the sands of time,

placing them one by one, on the altar of shame,

so cold and bitter, it fills the air with animated taunts,

I gave up on us, we were never really together,

the love is dead, the heart charred beyond recognition,

I'll leave my room, open till sunrise,

for you, and if we ever crossed path,

turn your back and walk away,

I dont want you to see me, faltering,

I'm so lost, without you,

You are the ghost, my only venom,

never alone, but at times, lonely,

Are you afraid of being alone?

haunt my dreams, I am not waking up,

I cry for the times I thought I had you

Heart like grated parmesan :)

Diam tak diam, dah setahun aku keluar dari rumah mak aku dan belajar hidup sendiri... Apa yang aku dapat dari pengalaman selama setahun nie ? first of all, makan aku selalu tak terjaga, beli pun kadang tak sedap, masak sendiri lagi la tak sedap... tapi at least setahun nie aku dapat ler belajar masak sket... tambah biler dok tengok master chef nie.. rase cam nak belajar betul2 ajer... lain dari tu... aku baru la paham awat mak aku selalu marah kat aku pasal tak reti nak berkemas selepas makan... kalau dibiarkan mmg pinggan kat umah aku nie tak pernah berbasuh ler... huhuhu... sarat mata aku tgk sampah yang menggunung tu... dan satu lagi, aku dah tak reti tido awal dah... hari2 tido lewat... maner tak rabak mata gi office... dan biler demam takde saper aku nak manje... mak jauh dah (aku mmg anak mak... so what??) sorang2 gak ler merana demam... hahaha...

Selain tu baru la aku perasan... beli apartment/condo/rumah pangsa nie banyak belanje... maintenance fees lah, quit rent lah (sampai skang aku tak paham bende aper nie... saper2 yg reti boleh tolong explain)... tambah2 walaupun rumah aku 5 tingkat ajer (ker 4 tingkat arr>??) tapi takde lift nie mmg seksa especially biler banyak barang nak bawak masuk rumah... walaupun wa dok tingkat 1 jer, pinggang dan lutut wa dah macam org 50 tahun... menitik air mata brader nak angkat beras naik atas... tapi takpe la... yang besh dok sendiri nie... nak isap rokok kat maner2 pun boleh... takde org marah... baju leh campak2 jer... makan pun merata, dari dapur sampai la ke dalam bilik... steady ajer wa makan... takde org complaint pun... huhuhu... 

Cuma perubahan paling ketara ade lah... belanja makin besaq, pastu memalam bute kalau lapaq... terpakse bantai tido ajer... stok maggi berlambak, tapi wa dah tak sanggup nak telan maggi... hari2 maggi maner tak bosan... tu stok yg ade tu ingat nak jual la... hahaha saper mau... murah2 jer wa tolak bro/sis... nak masak hari2 macam besh tapi skill aku limited. Dok lauk yg sama jer, ayam goreng, telur goreng, sayur campur... ntah bile la plak nak belajaq masak lemak ker, asam pedas ker, kari ker... buku dari dapur orang bujang aku dah hilang kemana ntah... kalau tak at least ade resepi nak tiru... hehehehe

Hujung tahun pun dah dekat, resolusi aku tahun lepas still tak tercapai... so tahun depan malas nak wat resolusi sudah... mmg tak pernah aku capai pung... agak2 kalau aku betul2 diet n exercise n dapat jadik kurus .. boleh dapat awek ker?? ... bosan sudah hidup sorang2... nak gak ade teman... cuma asyik kena tipu ajer so far... kadang tu bukan aku tak tahu minah tu menipu... aku layan kan ajer sebab biar lah kena tipu dari dok sorang takde girlfriend.. sampai satu tahap aku tak tahan aku blah... biar lah dier ngan boyfriend diorang tu... sesetengah tu boyfriend mmg tak bleh pakai... tapi diorg dok gila gak kat depa... aku wat pa... dah macam2 budi aku tanam, treat diorg pun dgn baik jer... gagal jugak.. bukan ler wa mintak balas pun budi tu... tapi at least nampak ler yg wa nie ikhlas dari boyfriend diorang yg tak leh pakai tu... tak guna gak... jerks jugak yg dapat the girls... so biar lah aku kena tipu... selagi aku rela kena tipu aku ikut je lah rentak diorang nie... rase2 tak tahan and poket pun dah kering... aku blah... kalau diorang ngade2 datang carik aku... cakap ajer takde duit... sesetengah yg mata duitan tu sure tak carik dah... cuma yg still kadang2 dtg carik tu... pelik gak aku... yer mmg diorang tu tak mata duitan... tapi yg dok mai kat aku tu awat... pakwe hang takda ka ?? lagi mau mainkan hati aku yg dah hancuq cam grated parmesan nie... awat buat lagu tu cheq ? aku pun orang... hati aku bukan made of iron/steel/titanium... muke jer harap rockers tapi hati wa bunge beb... hahahahaha... chait maner ade bunga... dalam hati nie penuh lagu metal ajer.. :P

Have a nice weekend people!!!!!

Hear you me (Jimmy Eat World)

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.

What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

Version 7.6.2

The upgrade project last night completed without too many issues, much to my relieve. I have been tweaking the upgrade plan for 3 weeks now trying to cover every angle and aspect of the upgrade process, trying to minimize any impact to the production network and to cover my own backside in case we did run into trouble. And it was a great feeling when it gone with pretty much a breeze last night. I think I have been in Cyberjaya for about 5/6 years and I hardly get involved with projects... most of the time it will just be the usual work in supporting the client data centers. The last 3 years have been an eye opener, slowly they start to let me in to some projects... nothing too big but just enough to keep me interested in my work. My work gets routine sometimes so it is good to have something else to work on when things gets too familiar and you became complacent. I was not made to work in the IT industry but I got to pay the bills somehow right ?

So it's version 7.6.2 now, a big step from our previous version 7.4.2... many new features that I cant wait to explore... but it will have to wait... I got some time off planned this 2 weeks... and I'm going up north for a cousin's wedding... I'm planning to take a few more since I have a lot of annual leave still... still pissed at my cancel trip to Phuket on July... planning another trip there next year... maybe in March... hopefully this time around it wont be cancel again... 

Am I easily smitten ? I'm guessing yes... too bad... I need to learn some defense technique to avoid getting into that dark place once again... but so far it is manageable... my quota of heartbreak per year is 3... and it have been utilized but only 1 that really hurts, the rest was just an innocent crush than turn into something sweet but didn't last long enough to hurt as much as the first one this year... the latest ? oh sorry I have maxed out my quota... if you wanna break my heart... please try again next year :)

-I don't blame you for being you, but you can't blame me for hating it-