May 24, 2009

The tale of gut-wrenching battle between the need and the desire

So it was Saturday morning... I woke up at about 10 am... after a very tiring Friday night... (and no I was not out partying but was at my usual Friday futsal field... not many of the usual guys turned out that evening so we play almost non stop for 2 hours and yeah it was very and I stressed... very tiring... ) ... suddenly I am feeling restless... I know that Saturday is going to be a very long one for me... for after politely turning down a few invites from my friends to go on a speed dating thingy with them.. I finally decided to accept an invitation from Aida to go to a speed dating event... and my god, I think I got a truck loads of butterflies in my stomach... and it is only 10-ish in the morning... the event was not even supposed to start for a good 4 more hours... hahaha.. the thing about fear is ... sometimes it is unrealistic and your worse nightmare was not even close to what reality has to offer....

I managed to gather enough courage to drove myself there... thank god for Aida.. If she was not coming... I swore I would have turned back home the moment I reached the venue... oh and if you are wondering where is that.. it is somewhere in Damansara heights...

So after some initial uncertainties at what am I supposed to be doing there... the event went well.. or at least it is not ass bad as I thought it would be.... I mean really... for those who knew me well.. they definitely wouldn't bet that I will go through it all... my uber-shyness sometimes bordering anti-social... but like I said earlier... I found out that my fear is baseless and a tad unnecessary... the truth is... everyone there (bar a certain few) was feeling exactly the same... everyone got some sort of insect infestation inside their stomach... be it butterflies or roaches... it all felt the same... like your stomach suddenly decided to go AWOL and the gap between the upper torso and the legs are there for all to see.. well at least that's how I felt... after the first few tables (or girls).. my stomach decided to return and it was pretty much smooth sailing after that (well not that smooth la as I still managed to stuttered and lost for words...)... That's something for me to improve on if I ever decided to do this again... which I think is very likely since I did enjoyed the event... as I said in the beginning... it was not as bad as I thought it would be...

right now I am waiting for the results from the organizer... let see if I managed to get a match or not... the pessimism in me is doubting that I will get any... but that's alright... I went through it all.. that is an achievement in itself... anything more is a bonus... "baby steps aboo, baby steps"

Sunday was as boring as Sunday gets... spent my Sunday sleeping and playing game... a very big sorry to Ezry for missing your sister's wedding... I was super tired from Saturday I can't ever mustered up the strength to drove all the way to Kajang to attend your sister's wedding...

"Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me" ... I feel so by box car racer

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