January 14, 2013

One down another one to go....

"you know I'm leaving you.. you don't need me... loving you wasn't always so easy"... bukan bermaksud susah untuk menyayangi awak... tapi kerna terlalu sayang lah saya terpaksa buat macam nie... hati awak ramai yang nak jaga... termasuk lah saya... awak ade pilihan... awak cantik... ramai yang memuja... termasuk lah saya... tapi hati saya takde orang yang nak... kalau saya terus menunggu peluang yang tiada kunjung tiba... awak rase hati saya nie akan makin sihat ker... maaf lah, bukan saya tak mahu jadi sekadar kawan jer... we are great as friends... tapi pernah tak awak terfikir kenapa saya begitu ambil berat, senantiasa nak awak happy.. tak mahu awak marah2, tak mahu awak terus kecewa sebab si dia yang awak sayang tu tak reti nak jaga hati awak... kawan awak yang mana sanggup wat camtu...?? saya buat camtu sebab saya ade hati kat awak... tapi saya pun faham... saya nie takde chance... siapa lah saya di mata awak... saya lawan segala logik otak saya nie sebab hati ini degil... terlalu degil sehinggakan saya terpaksa minta diri... kalau terus ikut kan hati... satu hari nanti kecewanya pasti akan memakan diri sendiri jugak... sebelum hati ini hancur lagi... saya terpaksa lepaskan awak walaupun sayang giler tahap dewa lah...

Kerna perasaan sayang itu kalau hanya satu hala sahaja, ianya tidak membawa kemana - mana... malah keburukkan terlalu sayang pada seseorang yang tak mahu (atau tak boleh.. pilih yang mana sesuai) sayang kita kembali membawa kepada binasa... membawa kepada benci dan benci itu akan menghanyutkan kawalan logikal dan seterusnya membunuh perasan cinta itu sendiri... faham lah yer... oh dan jangan lah nak pulangkan apa yang telah diberi... saya dari zaman muda remaja dulu pun tak paham kenapa nak kena pulangkan... orang dah bagi dengan ikhlas... simpan ajer lah buat kenangan... kalau tak nak jugak sedekah, derma atau buang sajer... saya spesis yang suke simpan... sentimental value la konon... tapi ade jugak yang patut di buang sebab asal tengok jer nak melancholy.... ishh menyampah la I you... :P

Dan jangan lah fikir saya membenci pulak.... it is impossible for me to hate you... cuma saya rasa masa saya untuk mengundur diri dah tiba... dengan si dia yang satu lagi tu pun saya nak undur diri...penat menunggu sesuatu yang tidak pasti... tapi, tiada yang pasti di dunia ini kecuali mati ? kan ??? hmm I am contradicting myself now... ahh ignore me... I'm stupid... I don't make sense most of the time... and when I do make sense... I don't even know what to do with it...

Semoga awak senantiasa bahagia... saya selalu doakan kebahagian awak... I know it is messed up how I'm dying to be him... but awak worth it... worth the pain... worth the time and most of all, worth the effort... you deserve to be happy, princess... don't let anyone tell you otherwise... just remember to love yourself more... dia tak sedar apa yang dia ade... I would give everything to be in his shoe... teruskan usaha untuk menjadi lebih baik.. saya sentiasa menyokong awak...

Selamat tinggal sayang... mungkin saya dapat buang rasa jiwang karat, rindu dendam, melankoli melalut nie satu hari nanti... and hey we might have a shot at being just friends then...

till then... I hope you had the time of your life (while we were "friends")


yang selalu merinduimu,

5 comments:

Dottie With Dots said...

Like really... you have spares?

fallen_again said...

Not spares... but I figure instead of focusing all my effort into 1 uncertainty i might as well make it a few uncertainties... I think there's no harm in that... girls do it all the time... boys too... but in the end... none of them says yes... and it still hurt like crap... and i'm sick and tired of being told to wait and see because i've waited and i saw... so one of my new year resolution is to break off all my pursuits and start a new... lets wait for something else no matter how uncertain it is... at least it is something new.. it might have a different ending rather than wait for something for so long that you knew in the end you'll be getting more hurt... so i stop waiting and actively looking for someone else to tell me lets wait and see...

Dottie With Dots said...

I geddit!!!

There's nothing certain in life except death. That is too we dont know when and how.

We may love one person today and unlove that person the next day.

But I'm in line with you on this. Its better to be a has been than a never was. :D

fallen_again said...

hahaha... sometime the only people who get me is those i cannot put a face to.. u know what i mean right... i got only have a few people that I know very well only in cyberspace... though as time passes by.. we eventually met... and much to my surprise.. we get on really well... maybe sebab dah lama sgt kenal online..biler masuk dunia betul senang nak adjust... hehehe...

so biler nak berjumpe nie cik dottie... hahahaha :P

cacah said...

nice words.
take care.